


Behind the Screen

by Ellezaria



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, do not copy anywhere else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 4,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23574667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellezaria/pseuds/Ellezaria
Summary: Where I talk about the process of a particular fic: My thoughts about it, difficult parts to write, fave lines, when did the inspiration strike, etc--like that one fic which I completed at 4.30 in the morning.(A sort of diary for me as well so that the memories don't fade away)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. BTS of In Pain and Out of Meds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My thoughts about my very first fic!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [In Pain and Out of Meds](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19176094)

(My document is dated 7th April 2019, but i am pretty sure I had started writing it in my notes app before that.)

I have no idea where this idea came to me. I guess I wanted to explore the relationship between Pepperony. I just had the vaguest idea then I built on it.

This is the first ever fic I have written for publishing on AO3. I remember writing it, finishing the main draft and then rereading _so_ many times, adjusting it for adjectives, similar words, and,,, is this sentence flowing properly is the story flowing properly, is this punctuation right, amongst other things. I was very mindful of how each action was taking place, how each character was moving, whatever I had written is it expressing the character properly?

I wanted it to be perfect.

‘First time showing my work to the world’- nervousness I guess.

But it was so much fun writing it.

Loved writing Pepper. I like the ending too, ‘ _Tony always understood.’_

Maybe it’s my first time writing anything, so I was like “good job buddy you did well” @myself *contented sigh* I loved it.

Like, after a few month after this, I was googling my username randomly; I saw someone had made a rec list of ‘Pepper has periods’, and my name was in there, so I felt the tiniest bit of pride in that. _Oh my god my name is in a rec list!!!_ Even though there were like 2 other people in that rec list, one was from wattpad and other from tumblr I think, and the third was mine. 

So yeah my first fic being in a rec list, all very new things for me. Exciting. It felt pretty good. 

Now going back half a year later and seeing it; I could notice what mistakes I have done. Punctuation errors, grammatical errors, better words that I could have used, I would have framed some sentences differently now.

I could see my mistakes, so I am proud of that as well.

I had posted it around three in the morning and then slept afterwards. I posted it without any expectations of comments at least not for some days or at least a week maybe. Then when I woke up in the morning there was a comment. I was over the moon when I read it!

My first ever fic, my first ever comment. So soon I was not expecting it. I was so excited. Loved it absolutely.


	2. BTS of Bad Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Behind the Screen: My desire to whump Aziraphale caused this fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Bad Dreams ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20018446)

Good Omens, who didn’t like it?? So many people identified with them. _Aziraphale and Crowley they’re so flippin’ amazing_

Now that I am done squealing about good omens, onto the fic now.

Comforting after a nightmare, it’s one of my favorite tropes.*insert that meme here* its all about the vulnerability. A person sleeping has a nightmare, then they wake up kicking and screaming and their lover is beside them to comfort them and calm them down. In sleep you’re literally so vulnerable. And you have to trust the other person absolutely and trust them to not hurt you. I fucking love it. 

So I’d been reading a lot of Crowley whump fics. So I was like that’s it I want to inflict some sort of pain on Aziraphale, Crowley has had enough. But I wanted a bit of softness as well. So _Bad Dreams_ was born.

I wanted Aziraphale to see Crowley being hurt in his dreams. I had written the entire nightmare scene but it wasn’t working in the story so I had to scrap it.

I liked the wing-comfort part— _‘An extra layer of warmth and safety_ ’. It was nice. Wing-comfort is the best part. I like the last paragraph especially

And that line ‘Crowley was in his arms, Crowley was safe, Crowley was alive. Nothing else mattered right now.’- The comforting and the safety, the vulnerability just*chefs kiss*

This is my second fic. And in general I am pretty happy with how it turned out.

All I needed is a companion fic to this (which wouldn’t be months until this after this fic was posted)


	3. BTS of Safe with Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Behind the Screen: How one reader's comment on the companion fic finally gave me the push to publish _Safe with Me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Safe with Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137244)

Companion fic to bad dreams. The basic idea was written down. I had given Aziraphale nightmare so now it was Crowley’s turn. It wouldn’t be fair I guess to torture one without the other. Now it was Crowley’s turn. ~~Is this weird and twisted?~~

Funny thing is-- I was totally putting this off and procrastinating writing this. Buuut I got a comment on the other one, _Bad Dreams_ caused me to write it. That was the push I needed to finally write and publish tis one. I was like I wanna please this one reader. I completed writing the fic and I replied to that comment. That person read it and liked this fic as well :)

So this is how _Safe with Me_ was published and posted.

At first I was going to write that Crowley doesn’t find Aziraphale anywhere in the post-nightmare panic. I just wanted him to fall off the bed, frantically search for Aziraphale, storm out of the room, and tackle-hug when he saw Aziraphale. Tackle-hug was main thing that I wanted to include so wrote 672 words for it.

At first I was going to let Crowley find Aziraphale in the kitchen and hug him there, but it wasn’t working so I changed it to them hugging in the middle of the corridor.

I was struggling to describe his panic and anxiety and also with how will Aziraphale soothe him down. That also added to the delay in writing this.

I read it again now--even though I was struggling so much--what finally came down on the paper is pretty good, if I do say so myself. It’s kinda good for a beginner, but obviously I need to work on improving my writing more.

I completed the fic in a day, had so much fun ^_^


	4. BTS of Closer to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Few thoughts about something I wrote about what I desperately needed half a year ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Closer to You ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680877)

Let me just say… I was feeling very touch starved, alright? I just wanted someone to hug me. Somebody just hold me close…

But at that time there was no one to whom I could ask that.

So at around 3 in the morning, wrapped in a blanket, trying to feel embraced, I wrote whatever I wished to feel, to be cuddled.

Legs entwined. Arms over the other. Snuggling, Gentle sleep. Warmth. Comfort.

Then I edited it to be between Aziraphale and Crowley.

Writing that short fic helped me a lot, I could glean off some of the softness for myself.

If, right now, I can’t have this bit of comfort; at least these characters have it. This means I’ll have it someday too.


	5. BTS of I never wanted this hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fic has helped me a lot and I'll be forever grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ I never wanted this hurt ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21173879)

This fic is close to my heart. It has helped me from spiraling further, preventing me from hurting myself quite a few times.

In the midst of a panic attack, I wrote down my thoughts, whatever wretched stuff I was feeling. All the hurt, all the feels, all the pain.

Then I didn’t look at it for a few weeks. Didn’t want all the feelings getting back up again.

Then one day I was feeling pretty stressed, my social interaction meter full, just wanted to distract myself and find some peace.

Isolated myself, went down to the park. I remember it was a cloudy day and it had been raining.

I chose this WIP. Modified my thoughts to that of Aziraphale’s. Wrote the ending part. At that time it thought it was a pretty crap ending. Promised myself that I would rewrite it. But when I finally decided to edit the entire fic into some semblance of understandability, I found the ending wasn’t so bad after all and kept it.

I really like the entire vibe of Crowley’s ‘tell me whenever you are ready’; ‘I’ll be here when you are.’ That comfort part was sorely needed for me.

Then I finally published it, and got some heartwarming responses.

To reiterate, this fic has helped me many times since, and has become a sort of beacon of hopefulness that everything would be okay, give it time. Everything would be alright.

And it has. I am at a much better place currently :)


	6. BTS of Let yourself go (Stay close to me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listening to sad songs and thinking of Hiccup missing Toothless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Let yourself go (Stay close to me)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089856)

I am still very pissed that they separated Hiccup and Toothless. I absolutely didn’t like HTTYDTHW _at all._

I was missing my bois and wanted them to miss each other too. I had wanted to write something inspired by songs as well. I was listening to its soundtrack—the OST is absolutely amazing ~~(unlike the storyline of the movie)~~ , John Powell’s amazing—thus this idea was born.

Hiccup misses toothless, flying with him, experiencing the thrill of the skies with him. So I just whipped up this small bittersweet thing in around an hour, ‘coz a more better fic was in the making (where they both will die) (*laughs evilly*)

“It's me and you bud, always 

We'll be together from afar” these lines _did_ hurt me always.


	7. BTS of A Tooth and a Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Behind the Screen: which scene i had crystal clear in my mind; and the struggle for giving a good title to this fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A Tooth and a Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259965)

So basically i wanted to write something fluffy between Tony and kid Morgan. But I also wanted to have Tony be incredibly worried over Morgan, so Morgan had to be injured somehow.

Not too much though, I was still raw over Endgame. So the idea of a simple, natural injury of a milk tooth loss; was born.

The one scene that i clearly had in mind was he one where Tony is chasing her outside their house. I also liked the _'oomph'_ for some reason idk.

Then i also wrote alternative scenes in which she was playing with DUM-E; and other one where the floor is lava and she breaks her tooth when she doesn't exactly land on the couch.

Scene with Peter and Pepper--I struggled a bit because i had no idea where they all were moving; how to write and to describe what they were feeling; also struggled a bit with their expressions.

i had this idea in, like, September or October 2019 and after writing, editing- posting finally happened on 18 Jan 2020 lol

When i went back to read it this was the A/N on it[🤣](https://emojipedia.org/rolling-on-the-floor-laughing/):

"A/N: I fucking finally finished it. Its 4.30 am now. Was stuck a bit on the scene when pep and peter enter but finally pushed through, whewww"

and yeah one more thing: i literally couldn't think of an appropriate title for this. everything was ready to be posted, complete with summary and tags thought of, except for the title. i spent a day day agonizing over a good it, never thought I'd have to do that. 

Finally after brainstorming a lot i came up with the current title, which tbh i'm still kinda unsatisfied with

but whatever I have 15 other wips calling for my my attention so I'll have to answer to that

other suggestions i had were: "The Tooth Adventure", "Fluff and a Milk Tooth" and a few more

* * *

This is what I wrote when the idea first struck me. It is kinda raw and unedited so feel free to skip it:

Whole other universe where snap never happened, ironfam is alive and well and tony is a happy father and husband.

5 yr old Morgan's first milk tooth had started wobbling a week ago. She sort of complains about it at dinner.

Tony helped Morgan into her chair at the dinner. They ate [something], clatter of plates, clinking of eatware. Amongst other chatter “my teeth is moving, mommy. Am I going to die?”

“What! Baby, no” pepper was concerned/horrified. Tony gasped[how?] and snickered [write something else coz it’s a kid and you do not snicker at them]

“which tooth is wobbly?” Morgan opened her mouth and stuck her tongue behind one of the front teeth. It wobbled greatly. “Ah, that should fall out within the week” Tony said [with some emotion, something like enthusiasm, etc ]

Pepperony plus Morgan go to a picnic, while playing she fell on her face. Her tooth fell off. At first she is slightly stunned but then quickly gets over it. It is bleeding and tony is panicking. Pepper is reassuring. They give Morgan a gauze to bite down on to absorb the blood. After the bleeding stops when tony looks at her her absolutely melts at her cute tooth gap

Tony and Pepper tucked Morgan into bed, after she was tired from playing with Peter. After/post dinner[?]

“I hope the tooth fairy gives me something good” then she yawned widely. “ G'night mommy, daddy”. Her eyes fluttered close as Pepper pressed a soft kiss to her temple.

“Sweet dreams, baby” pepper replied

They softly shut the door and went out.

In the morning when she would wake up she would find a small watch under her pillow left there by the 'tooth fairy'; which on pressing a certain button would throw up a mesmerizing hologram of iron man onto the ceiling.

She would run excitedly to Peter and yell “Now we both are matching!” 

* * *


	8. BTS of Stained Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decide on a character to hurt and then have trouble writing and completing the fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Stained Red](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22497235)

So,, I have watched Broadchurch twice.

I couldn’t decide who to hurt between Ellie and Alec. As much as I would have loved them romantically, platonic is much better. And there is always fanfic if I wanted them romantically.

It was my first time researching medically for a fic. Looking up wound care, gunshot wound, amount of blood loss before a heart patient could faint. Discovered the ScriptMedic blog on tumblr, among others.

I had no idea what the scene would be. Just had a general ~vibe~ that that one of them should be panicking and the other one hurt.

I also had quite a bit of trouble on deciding what to title it.

Getting the characterization right was getting difficult because it had been few months since I had watched the series. Honestly, it took so long to figure this fic out. The half completed draft was irritating me so I completed it out of spite, I guess. A burden off my shoulders and one WIP down. *glances at the pile of 15 other WIPs*:’|

Nonetheless I enjoyed writing it and I hope I have learnt something from it. At least now I know which resources to check when I need to hurt a character in the future. hehe


	9. BTS of No Longer Together from Afar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Behind the Screen: My favorite line, a bit of #httyd3salt and my catharsis from this fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ No Longer Together from Afar ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774726)

I’ve always wanted to write a death scene. Never thought I’d be the one of my OTP4ever.

I’ll be frank- i didn’t like HTTYDTHW in any way. In short: they rushed the story, the characterizations were not right; they totally shitted on the themes of the previous movies and they tried to use the ending line of a completely different story (the httyd books, which I _completely_ _adore_ )

So in a way this is kinda my closure on the THW version of Hiccup and Toothless.

I was toying with the idea of this for some time. A rough idea was typed down on 29/10/2019. I started serious work on it in beginning of February 2020; according to my document. Finally published it on 17 Feb.

I was struggling on the beginning scenes and how to describe Hiccup's anxiousness. That part alone took on some major working and editing.

At first I was going write that the nightlight kidnaps him but making hiccup antsier every moment was much more fun to write. 

Earlier the white nighlight was female. Then I looked it up and it was specified as male so made changes accordingly.

At the actual death scene, I cried every time I read it during editing [lol then I kinda became immune to it so that's an another thing]

Killing them was SO painful, but so _satisfying_ and _so worth it_. When I was writing those particular lines one part of my brain was crying and other was cackling evilly.

At first I was going to include a funeral as well but that wasn’t working so I scrapped it.

"A toothless smile appears on the dragon’s face as his eyes close." --ohh I LOVE this line.

To conclude: this was very cathartic to me and I loved every moment of it.

Edit 31/3/2020: I uploaded the drawing I did of the goodbye scene. Definitely wanted to include the 'toothless smile'. It took me like 10 tries to draw Hiccup's head right. -_- but I do like how the drawing turned out.

* * *

The rough idea, almost verbatim from when I wrote it last year, feel free to skip it:

Youngest night light kidnaps old Hiccup

Hiccup when he woke up today had felt unease, so he went to the top of the hill. His shoulder pad thing becomes loose and falls off. Nuffink finds it later.

Hiccup goes to hidden world (remembers last time he was here) (when he lets him go)

In a side cave, many dragons look on worriedly. Some dragons narrow eyes at him. But light fury growls to let him pass

Toothless is in his side (like when he shot him down) weary and weak with faint croons. Eyes light up when he sees hiccup.

By his side Toothless dies. Dragons have a funeral. They bury him on the Hidden World cemetery.

By next day the nightlight drops him back on berk. Astrid was hecking worried. When she sees the sadness in his eyes she understands. He cries his heart out.

A month/year later he dies. Hicctooth meet in Valhalla. They will never be apart ever again. Somber/happy test drive plays

* * *


	10. BTS of First Skydive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Behind the Screen of Dragonbros prompts fics, i.e. my thoughts about them, what they were inspired by, troubles I had writing it, etc  
> Okay so I was absolutely disappointed with httyd 3. So to console myself I thought of these 'Dragonbros prompts' focused on the relationship of hiccup and toothless.  
> 

How had their first ever skydive been like? Since we see them flying together in the first movie, still learning about each other. Then the next one is Gift of the Night Fury what they are very much in sync with each other, diving fearlessly, doing aerial acrobatics.   
This fic filled in the gap between them. Their very first dive together. Hiccup is as always reckless and toothless has to look out for him.   
This is also, like, my first ever fluff/fun piece. I had no real intent to include some comedy/fun elements but that's the way it came out during writing,, and I am pretty happy with it.  
I had a lot of fun trying to get into toothless' head and writing his thoughts.   
I especially liked the last line "Toothless smacked him over the head with his tail"


	11. BTS of New Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [New Bed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23197288)

How did that big stone slab came to be used as a bed by Toothless? This fic answers that ages old question.   
What if toothless had burned down the house while trying to get to get comfortable to sleep? Now that would have been funny.   
This fic is not my best work; I feel I could have done better. The first draft was just word vomit. Wrote down everything that came to mind. Only after the third edit did it started making any sense.   
The Gronckle lava idea was a stroke of genius that came in the heat of the moment. I was fully prepared to make them go on a witch hunt for the perfect stone😬😂


	12. BTS of So much for resting a bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [So much for resting a bit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23461648)

This was kinda inspired by that small scene in httyd 2 where those baby dragons annoy toothless when they are in Valka's sanctuary.   
The first draft was completed already sometime before hence I decided to polish it, and post it.   
I completed this as a distraction when I had a very, very crappy day. I just wanted some fluff to counteract it.   
I attempted to draw those sketches hiccup had made, as fanart but I sucked horribly at it so I just gave up.   
I faced difficulty in portraying toothless' annoyance at the babies,,, but ii think I did an okay job at it.   
I enjoyed writing his' thoughts on the freedom that the automatic tail gave him.   
I had trouble giving this a title, as per usual. It was tentatively titled "toothless overwhelmed by baby dragons." After a lot of Thinking I decided on using a line from the fic as a title.


	13. BTS of Fractured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fractured](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23565706)

This and the next one had me up writing till 3.00 am. It was 3.15 when I uploaded it. Again, had a very bad day and these were my distraction.   
I've always wanted to whump toothless. I had read plenty of fics about hurt/injured hiccup, but not many about toothless.   
One thing was clear for me since the beginning, I wanted to hurt his wing, and it had to be hiccup's fault. Wings are such an essential part of a dragon. Therefore the fear of losing it makes the whump all the more delicious.  
Also the small scene in the beginning where they are practicing their maneuvers, and trying to be in sync with each other— I headcannon that achieving that absolute sync that we see in the later series and movies, will have taken hours and days of practice.   
This fic is also one of the few ones where I have mentioned the other Riders because I focus mostly on hiccup and toothless only.  
I liked how hiccup had to stamp down on his panic and guilt to help toothless first.   
(I hope I got the character voices right)


	14. BTS  of Worried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Worried](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23566096)

Anxious and depressed characters are my jam. Add in guilt and spiraling thoughts to that, it's perfect. (No offense to anyone. Projecting onto characters is my way of coping. Ik real life anxiety and depression are serious issues.)  
Either of them comforting the other for any reason, it's just *chef's kiss* they’ll be there for each other no matter what. (ಠಗಠ -> this is me looking at httyd 3.)  
"He would have one more injury that Hiccup was the cause of" I love this line.


	15. Bts of Black Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Black lines ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23757613)

Angst alert. That's always my first thought when I start reading this fic.   
Also cough some self-projection cough cough  
There's a lot of stuff for Stoick and hiccup to work through after httyd. Not to mentions the issues he already might have from being bullied by the village even before he met toothless.   
The very thought of talking, seeing Stoick for that matter is triggering hiccup,, and I like that.   
Buuut I'm glad that they worked through all those issues and had a good relationship and were good allies.   
"He might start drowning, yes. But he’d always have Toothless to fly him out." I LOVE this line. I struggle with metaphors quite a bit so liked that I came up with this, even though it is fairly simple.   
Title troubles, as usual.


	16. BTS of Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Morning](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23849941)

I wanted a general vibe of wanting toothless to annoy hiccup, at the same time showing extra care towards hiccup.

setting the atmosphere for the sunrise scene proved a little bit difficult for me, as i generally struggle with descriptions. But I am getting better at it, I promise.

i wanted to demonstrate the strong brotherly bond hiccup and toothless have. so i showed it through toothless being protective and at the same time showing no restraint over annoying the hell out of him.

"Hiccup worked the pedal few times checking if all was in order. The mechanical tail opened and closed in response. After one final reassuring check..." this line is a nod to my other fic- 'Fractured', where toothless gets injured indirectly because of Hiccup.


	17. BTS of Five times Hiccup has nightmares and the One time Toothless has them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My first 5+1 things fic!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Five times Hiccup has nightmares and the One time Toothless has them ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25166698)

Hiccup definitely has PTSD. Hence the nightmares. Seriously, the number of times he has been in mortal danger is enough to give me a heart attack.

Writing this one was not easy. The sentences feel choppy to me. I’m not able to get down the scenes on paper, the same way as they are in my head. I feel I can do better than this, but this is good enough for me for now. And it’s been a while seen I posted for dragonbros series. Aaand there are only so many times you can describe waking up from a nightmare and keep it interesting enough.

The first scene of kid Hiccup was easy to write. It came to me easily. Had to do very few edits to it. The rest of the fic I had keep working at it until it was making sense. It was hard work, but I am proud of myself.

This fic was supposed to be completed in June, but I got sucked into a new fandom, so sorry for the delay :D


	18. BTS of Nipped by the Frost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My very first multichapter fic!

I enjoyed writing it, but had my frustrating moments with it, definitely. 

For the longest time I couldn't figure out what to name the diseases. Dn1 (disease name1) and dn2 were the placeholders hehe. I Scoured medical websites on how to name fictional diseases 😌

The first chapter was pretty easy to write. I feel it's perfect. I was able to get across the exact scenes I had in my head. The next few chapters, not so much. I feel I could have done more. The scenes are not the exact way I had in my mind, but it was satisfactory, ya know?

In early drafts I was just going with Toothless having just the Dragon flu. But then my mind said not enough angst. So I had to add the Frostnip Poisoning as well. 

Also instead of using the Monstrous Nightmare gel i was going with this: having Hookfang envelop Toothless in his wings and light himself on fire to keep him warm. But then that becoming infeasible in the latter parts of the story so I changed it. 

The last chapter's fluff was so fun to write. I love writing about their friendship and the love Hiccup and Toothless share!

I enjoyed making that mood board too. That's also my first time making it for a fic. 

Having written only oneshots uptill now; completing multichap fic feels good. 😊


	19. BTS of Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My first mandalorian fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rescue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27562606)

I wrote it in under an hour.

I couldn't stop thinking about what the baby must have been thinking while in that terrifying thing.

It was so sudden. I had to pause there for a moment 'Did they just- did they just feed the kid to the sea creature?!!! Wth!!!'

If it was shocking for me, then it must have been even worse for Yodito and Mando and I,,,, just had to write it.


	20. BTS of Buir... please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Buir... please](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28341204)

Had enough Din angst. Now time for for some pain from the Child 😈

I read enough of Din's feelings about being separated from the child. I wanted Grogu's pov now.

Separation from Din + clutching the mythosaur pendant= Angst🔥

I had drafted this after that episode had ended, but now finally got time to polish it and post it


End file.
